Strength. What defines someone as strong? I don't mean physically either. I can't tell you how many times I've been told I'm a strong person or that I'm stronger than I realize. I guess I just don't see it because I don't always feel strong. In fact, most days I feel defeated.
Sure, you could say I'm strong because I've chosen to stand by DJ throughout this ordeal. I don't really consider it a choice though. When you love someone you don't just walk away from them when things get rough. And I don't feel strong as I feel weak. I'm sad, lonely, miserable and feel helpless. I'm not sure I define that as strength.
I see so many other women who are living this life and they appear strong. They are working, raising kids, going to school. Some of these women have been doing this for years with their husbands gone and some face years to go. Some even face life. And those women are strong! They appear so together and usually even retain a positive attitude. Not me. I know others have it much worse but I've been busy feeling sorry for myself. As bad as I feel for some of these people, it doesn't lessen the pain I feel.
So for those of you who say I'm strong: please explain!!! I certainly don't feel strong and I'd love to know what makes me appear strong? If you saw all the tears I shed and felt the pain and lonliness I feel, I'm not sure you'd describe me as strong still. I'm an emotional train wreck.